The first Times.....

I remember the first day of my school. That was the first time I was going to be all by myself. I remember holding my father’s hand and walking inside the huge compound. I was scared; I didn’t want to be there. My dad always mocks me saying, “Your expressions were similar to someone who feels constipated.” I think that was one time in my life where I didn’t want to be educated. Eventually things fell in place. Today I am a double post graduate and take a lot of pride in saying this. But if, for the first time my dad wouldn’t have held my tiny hands with his stronger ones, I am not sure I would have even thought about writing this post.

So when I think about “the first times” in my life, I have mixed emotions. They make me smile and cry at the same time. I don’t remember what it felt like when I first started to talk, but I surely remember the first time I went on the stage to give a welcome speech. I was two and a half years old. I was supposed to welcome the parents in a school function. I was amazed to see so many people listening to me, all their attention made me feel on cloud #9. I was so excited, that after the speech I started clapping for my own self, self appreciation you see….

I really don’t remember what it felt to be loved for the first time. Come on! I was just a few hours old when my mom would have held me in her arms for the first time. But I surely remember what it felt like when for the first time, I fell in love. The feeling was beyond any word, any expressions. I felt safe, I felt important, I felt this is it; I wouldn’t need anyone apart from the person I love. Soon I realized it’s not all that simple and easy, because there are many conditions applied to it. That was the first time I experienced a heart break.

I really don’t know what it felt like when someone for whom I was important, lost me, but I know the feeling when I lost someone who was dear to me, so dear that my life revolved around that person. When I lose someone close to me, I go in a cocoon and I manage to stay there for a long time. When I am out of that cocoon I tend to be erratic. It’s a little difficult for me to accept and move on.

There were first times, when I cried, when I fell down, when I broke a bone, when I broke a heart , when I loved someone, when I lived for someone else, when I almost lost my life, when I fought with my loved ones, when I behaved like a rebel. But these were the first times when I realized I am alive and these were the first times when I wanted to live, to love, to be what I want to be. These were the first times……